Have You Searched Your Brand Recently? (And Did You Do Anything About What You Found?)

Yesterday I noticed this little blurb on The Atlantic’s Politics blog:

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Now, if I were an average person hoping to learn a little bit more about Rick Santorum (let’s just assume that I wasn’t aware of his fraught political past), my next step might just be to do a little research on the good old Internet. So I’m off to Google...doo do doo... Where I type in “Santorum” ‘cause, hey, I like to know who’s running for president—or even thinking about it.

 

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Holy moly! Egad! Dear Lord! I won’t bother to quote from the very first hit on Google—I’m assuming if you made it this far, you’re capable of reading it yourself—but, um, yeah, that’s 1) gross, to say the least, 2) so not what I was expecting to find when I googled the name of a potential presidential candidate, and 3), assuming you’re wired like me, so compelling that I now have to click through and find out why, on the page that’s supposed to be leading me to presidential discovery, at least four are the kind of results I’d expect from a very different kind of search. 

Of course, clicking through will pretty quickly help me understand that the “santorum” is the brainchild of sex columnist Dan Savage and his readers, who were none too pleased by the then-senator’s anti-gay stance, which linked homosexuality to incest, polygamy, and zoophilia (aka sex with animals).  And, boy, oh boy, were they successful.  I would imagine that to anyone under a certain age, Santorum slips in right alongside Carl and trombone for words that can pretty quickly take one down a particular associative path.

So the real question is, how the heck did Santorum—and his people—ever let this happen?!  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted that they did, but isn’t this Online Crisis Management 101?  Wouldn’t someone have had the common sense to organize some grassroots efforts to knock those less-than-ideal links off the first page of Google?   Because—and I realize I’ve neglected to mention this additional little nugget—this all blew up in 2004.  2004!  They have had five (5!) years to do something about it.  And at least some of those years, Santorum has to have been contemplating a run for the presidency.  I can only say, oy…

Fortunately, the egregiousness of the Santorum case offers some lessons—especially about online marketing, social media, etc.—for the rest of us:

Listen.  Okay, I don’t even know why I have to say this, but we see it all the time:  People are incredibly motivated to talk about themselves, blog about their interests, look for followers, make “friends,” but they’re not all that concerned about what other people are saying.  There is nothing more important in public relations, in social media, in any sort of brand preservation and creation than knowing what people are saying about you, your issues, your product, even your competitors.  You need to be out there listening so that when the crisis arises—and it will, at some point—you're prepared to nip it in the bud, head it off at the pass, and put out fires before they get out of control.

Build Relationships.   Dan Savage engages with his readers and listeners, he’s funny, he’s honest, and his fans feel like he’s a real guy who connects with them and their lives.  He doesn’t just talk at them.  So when Dan decided to have a little fun at the hate-mongering Santorum’s expense by launching a friendly competition to see who could come up with the filthiest faux definition for “santorum,” they laughed.  They got involved.  They delivered.  And the gay community, the people who listen to his show and read his columns, teens and twenty-somethings (and apparently lots of post-twenty-somethings) who like things that are funny, dirty, and a little insider-ish were happy to spread the word.

Know Your Audience.  It’s clear that Dan Savage did.  But it’s not so clear that Rick Santorum did.  At the time, Santorum was a senator.  Of a big state.  With a relatively moderate voting history.  Sure, they had voted him into office on his conservative platform, but statistically, it was safe to assume that only a minority of voters shared his extreme views.  Democratic and Republican Senators frequently fall into more moderate, compromising lines once they are elected to office not because they lose their convictions, but because they recognize the challenges of representing a multifarious constituency in a complex and diverse country.  Rick Santorum is perfectly within his rights to pursue an extreme path, but he couldn’t expect Pennsylvanians to follow.  Which might explain why there wasn’t a strong voice countering Savage and his audience through websites, blogs, and discussions that outweighed or, at the very least, balanced out the “santorum” voices.

Own Your Name.  It takes work, it takes involvement, it takes pr, it takes content creation… you get the picture.  You need to be out there driving the discussion, making the news, owning the keywords that relate to you and, above all, owning your own name.  Sure, the occasional piece of negative publicity or a critical website, article or post might creep into those top ten search results, but if you’re consistently shaping, generating, and driving the conversation, it’s only going to carry so much weight.  Check out other lightning rods for criticism like Hillary Clinton or Rush Limbaugh.  You know people are saying lots of nasty things about them, and yet somehow they still manage to control the top spots in search.

When All Else Fails, Triage.  So you let things get away from you.  While busy managing one crisis, you didn’t see another brewing.  Your team was too busy developing strategy to think about the external face of your brand.  You simply weren’t listening.  It’s time to take the horse by the reins and get things under control.  First things first…  Look at your own website.  How frequently are you updating it?  Are you giving people a reason to go there?  Are you building your relationships with your supporters so that they’ll drive traffic to your site?  Are you creating fresh, readable, informative content that people will make people return to your site regularly to see what’s going?  If not, it’s time make that a priority.  Next, think about enlisting the help of your enthusiasts, supporters and target audience.  By tapping into this community, you build your audience and shift the conversation.  Finally, if you need more help, hire an SEO firm, get a better publicist, enlist the help of marketing strategists who know this stuff.  Do you really think other people aren’t fighting off criticism too?   And for goodness’ sake, don’t let five years pass before you get started!

 

Big Brands Being Little (Or Why Mainstream Media Shouldn't Try to Be Like Bloggers)

This morning Genna forwarded me a little article from the New York Times Thursday Styles section. About J.C. Penney. Yawn.

Or maybe not.

Genna prefaced her sending with, "it's really kind of offensive," but I was thinking, it's in the Times, how bad can it be?

But of course, then I felt compelled to read it, and boy was Genna right.

But why? Everywhere you look these days some blogger or critic is spewing clever snark, trashing everything from celebrity cellulite to Obama's healthcare plan. So what's the big deal, why would this particular article be so troubling when it's fairly run-of-the-mill in comparison to some of the vitriol that's out there?

On a fundamental level, because it was in the New York Times. No matter how often people like to claim that blogs and the mainstream media are running neck-and-neck, that blogs are just as valid a source of news as respected media outlets, the reality just doesn't back that up.

While blogs may be factual, insightful, and truly informative, I expect them to have an author's personality, for better or for worse, infused into the tone and perspective. If someone goes off the deep end in a rant or draw obscene figures on faces a la Perez Hilton, I tend to think, whatever. It's a blog. I didn't come for journalism. I came for something more social, chatty and personal -- I want to read news through a filter.

When it comes to mainstream media (and I'm not including anything overtly partisan in this group), that's just not the case. I'm certainly not naïve enough to think that news outlets and their journalists don't bring biases to their coverage, but I expect, at the very least, a good faith attempt at respectful reporting. Sure, that doesn't mean the reporting will be good, but at least there's some semblance of a legitimate attempt. There's editorial oversight. And even if someone's a critic, tasked with giving readers an opinion and review, I expect that critic, even at his/her harshest, to know the line between critique and snark.

So when an (apparently) editor-approved article appears in a mainstream publication -- even under the "Critical Shopper" headline -- that is petty, bitchy, elitist and just downright mean, it's not cute or funny. No, it ends up feeling like the mean girl picking on the overweight/less attractive/glasses-wearing/nerdy/unathletic girl. And that's just gratuitous cruelty.

(A particularly choice paragraph:  "It took me a long time to find a size 2 among the racks. There are, however, abundant size 10's, 12's and 16's. The dressing rooms are big, clean and well tended. I tried two fairly cute items: a modified domino-print swing dress with padded shoulders by American Living (a Ralph Lauren line created for Penney's) and a long psychedelic muumuu of a style generally worn by Rachel Zoe. Each was around $80; each fit nicely and looked good. I didn't buy either because I can do better for $80, but if I were a size 18, I'd have rejoiced." Yeah, we get it, you're a skinny bitch.)

And that brings us to our very own Degrassi Junior High (the original version)-worthy teaching moment...

Just because the cool kids are doing it, it doesn't mean you should too. Yes, all those of you who have respected media outlets, brands, or whatever, the coolest kids might be writing snarky and nasty but devastatingly accurate little articles that we read gleefully from our cubicles (I don't even watch The Real Housewives, but when Richard Lawson over at Gawker writes about them, it is pure bliss.), but that doesn't mean it's a good look for you.

For a brief, shining moment you might bask in some cool-kid glow, but then reality returns, and everyone sees you for what you are: someone without respect or authority.

Really, NYT, we expect so much better.

Online Brand Complaints: Accountability or Entitlement?

I am a shockingly lazy consumer.

Well, not really, but the Internet can really make me start to feel that way. I don't, for the most part, blog/comment on/tweet about my brand experiences. I rarely am so moved in any direction that I'm motivated to contact customer service. Before the dawn of the web (or at least the dawn of a truly interactive web), I can think of only one time when I actually bothered to go out of my way (in this case to complain): On a flight to Caracas, American Airlines lost -- for three (3!) days -- my backpack with all of my clothing and camping equipment, basically ruining all of my carefully-laid vacation plans. I had to pay for a hotel in Caracas for two nights and cancel an entire leg of my trip, but never received so much as an apology from AA, let alone any reimbursement for my expense. When I got home, I sent a long, ranting -- though very articulate, if I do say so myself -- letter to the airline and had a long, ranting  -- a lot less articulate, if I do say so myself -- phone call with some random AA customer service rep. And I got exactly nowhere. Not one to make taking on companies for bad service my life's mission, I ended up letting the whole thing drop. (Though clearly I still have some unresolved issues since I got annoyed just thinking about the whole thing again. Damn you, American Airlines!)

Now with social media, blogs, and even the ability to easily design an entire blog/website dedicated to bashing a company, it seems like it's become a whole lot easier to take dissatisfaction to a whole new level. Which is why I often feel lazy. Even when I'm really annoyed, I might put out a feeble Tweet vaguely conveying my frustration, but I'm unlikely to do much in the way of wave-making. Partly because, in the end, I feel like I have bigger fish to fry, and partly because I feel weird about closely intertwining my personal identity with complaining -- and about a product/service no less. I mean, if I'm going to use space to complain, maybe I should take up things like the toxic swill in my neighborhood (I live near the Gowanus Canal) or advocate for social issues that really matter. There's something that starts to feel really cheap to me about using my voice and the little online capital I have to complain about not being treated respectfully by a flight attendant or about getting fat on my skinny latte. Obviously, companies are answerable to consumers and they should be held accountable for bad service or shoddy products, but it can start to feel like a lot of entitlement when people make a habit of complaining. And sometimes it feels suspiciously like people are angling for some special treatment -- a gift certificate, an upgrade -- rather than really venting about something that is a legitimate grievance.

So here's the real point of this post -- a question (and one that I don't necessarily know the answer to -- shocking, I know...):

Where is the line between accountability and entitlement? And how accountable should brands be, especially now that just about anyone can do some damage with a little time and a computer?

I am genuinely curious about the line between using social media, networks and communities:

• to hold companies accountable for shoddy products and services, misguided marketing campaigns, or offensive or exploitive practices, and

• to complain incessantly -- and very publicly -- about the littlest inconveniences, to make unfair and excessive claims in the hope of getting something free.

Thoughts? Anyone, anyone?

Selling Yourself with Great Content: The Lost (Did It Ever Exist?!) Art of the Cover Letter

A short long post on the art of content in a medium not often associated with artfulness: the cover letter.

We're currently doing some hiring here at Channel V, and we put out the call for applicants. Our job listing, if we do say so ourselves, was informative, funny, accessible...you know, our usual voice. Yes, we work hard, but we also like people who have great senses of humor, are open-minded and curious, more than a little irreverent, and generally like to have fun with words (since words are our business).

To give you a sense of what I mean, an excerpt:

You're known for your common sense and your ability to figure stuff out. You write easily, often and well. You're understatedly interesting and curious. You get your work done and like to feel appreciated, but don't need endless gold stars for validation. You play well with others but kind of hate the phrase "team player" since it reminds you of your junior high school gym teacher. You really like people but your sardonic genius is sometimes misunderstood.

So what exactly would you do at Channel V Media? Everything. But in a good way. We're not looking for a copy-making coffee runner. We want someone who hits the ground running, with an intuitive and practiced understanding of social media (communities, blogs, social networks, etc.). We'll ask you to help us with strategy and branding ideas, but also to do the daily work of writing website and other online copy, reaching out to reporters and bloggers, and of researching anything that might come our way. To keep up with the latest news and blogs and use that information to shape your opinions and ideas....

Interested in joining the Channel V Media team? We offer a creative work environment, a sun-filled office, a great location in Manhattan, and plenty of lowbrow humor.

We thought it captured us, our personalities, the tone around the office. It might not be a fit for everyone, but if it speaks to you, well, then, you'd probably do fine here.

So common sense (at least to my way of thinking) would dictate, send a cover letter that has some color of its own.

Ahh...common sense...in such short supply. Or at the very least, young job seekers have been so brow-beaten into believing that they should send sterile, formulaic cover letters, that they are unwilling to trust their own instincts and common sense.

That's our sense, at least. Both Gretel and I cop to falling into that trap ourselves. Way back when I was casting about for jobs at earlier times in my career, everywhere I turned I got the message, whatever you do, do not inject too much personality into a cover letter. No one wants to hear that. So I checked my natural voice, and went for that I-am-a-robot-with-good-credentials tone. And I didn't always hear back from the places I wanted to work. But whenever I did have an interview, it almost always went really well. Even if I didn't always want the job. Foot in the door, I could charm, but unseen, I was a dud.

Those letters didn't work for me, they didn't work for Gretel, and they're not working for us as employers now.

What gives? What's with the conformist-cover-letter scare tactics? Where is everyone getting the message that they need to hide their true selves? It's like some Kurt Vonnegut, Harrison Bergeron-world of cover letters: everyone strive for mediocrity so no one stands out, for better or for worse.

So guess what, job seekers? A word of advice from people whose job it is to think about what readers and audiences want and how to engage: Write the cover letter for the kind of job you want. If you really want to work for us, do the research-don't just read our job listing (though it holds a treasure trove of clues about who we are)-go to our blog, our website, check out what we've got going on. It will pretty quickly become clear that we work a certain way. We're professional, but we've got other stuff going on. Write cover letter accordingly. Be irreverent, show your personality. But write well, proofread, know how to communicate professionally. That's how we roll, so you'll be showing us you're a good fit.

And I'm pretty sure I can safely say the same for most small to medium-sized companies (where your resume isn't getting filtered through HR, but is going right to the decision makers ). If the company you want to work for is sterile and impersonal, write that kind of letter. If it's a bring-your-dog-to-work kind of office, let them know you like that. Take a chance. Not a I'm-so-Tara-Reid, you-never-know-what-kind-of-crazy-stunts-I-might-pull kind of chance, but a I'm-a-person-with-interests-and-personality chance. Real people are reading your cover letter and real people would rather interview other real people.

Seriously, try it. You might be surprised.

Marketing and the Art of Speed Dating*

Let's pretend for the sake of this blog post that I went to speed dating at Kush Lounge last night for research reasons, and not because of the nagging-but loving-voice of my Jewish mother. As a public relations and marketing project manager, it is important to stay current with marketing trends and methods and speed dating is based on a unique and difficult kind of sell. Daters have between three and eight minutes, last night it was four, to put his or her best foot forward in the hopes of earning a second, longer date.

The concept was originated by the Aish HaTorah Rabbi Yaacov Deyo in an effort to find a modern day alternative to Yente the Matchmaker. The process itself is efficient and mostly pain-free so the idea took hold and a culture of speed dating was born. It's been portrayed in movies like Hitch and The 40-Year-Old Virgin as well as TV shows like Sex and the City and a particular favorite of mine, Gilmore Girls. Though usually done with comedy in mind, these on-screen speed dates are often too close to the truth. But because my mother raised her daughters with the notion that "every guy is someone's baby...he just wants to meet someone," I'm fairly open-minded, empathetic and sympathetic to the dater across the table, especially if the guy is dressed up well beyond his comfort zone because his mother told him to do so. Even still, it is truly astounding what passes for a "good sell" these days.

And so, I will connect speed dating to marketing in an attempt to expense my Hurrydate.com registration.

Put your best foot forward. While this seems obvious to most people in the business and dating worlds, "best" travels across a frighteningly long range. To their credit, most of the daters at the event were well-groomed for their night out, so the issue was not their looks, but their attitudes. Before Joseph even sat down, he uttered about ten curse words about the ubiquitous camerawoman who was there for a "dating in the recession story." Now, I wasn't thrilled to be a local news feature either, but it's important to make light of an annoying situation, especially within the first few minutes of talking to someone. If a potential client sees you unhinged or cursing before a relationship can begin, you can bet your business card will be lining the bottom of a trash can before you can say, "Please recycle."

Maintain focus. At one point in the night, I wasn't sure if my "date" was looking at my nametag or my chest (isn't there another place to stick those things?), and his distraction was, well, distracting. Maintaining eye contact is the key to making a good impression and also lets the other person know that you're listening to what he or she has to say. And don't fidget with your Blackberry, iPhone, or tie when talking to a date, potential client, partner, or customer. Networking, like speed dating, puts tremendous emphasis on first impressions. If you're distracted, you'll likely miss opportunities to make an important and worthwhile connection.

Don't try to be something you're not. Case in point was Dennis, a very sweet, mildly attractive guy who seemed to have signed up for the wrong kind of speed dating event. With all of his polished and polite attributes, he'll be a great fit for some guy out there. You see, speed dating does for singles what advertisements and public relations do for businesses. It's a way of saying, "Look! I'm here! I'm available and I can offer you such and such." In business (as in dating), you must be clear on the "such and such." It's important not to stretch the truth about who you really are and what you can offer. If you do, you'll end up scrambling to please a client who you shouldn't have worked with in the first place.

Don't fake enthusiasm. A healthy amount of excitement and enthusiasm is naturally built in to a first meeting or brainstorming session-there's really no reason to go overboard. Bryan uttered the word "Really?!?" so many times that I felt like I was in the Weekend Update segment where Seth Meyers (and at one time Amy Poehler too) makes a mockery of the ridiculousness of some current event. Only unfortunately this time, it wasn't funny and really unfortunately, Seth Meyers wasn't there. Enthusiasm, when it's genuine, can be a great help to landing a deal, making a sale, or scoring a date. Trust me on this one, when it's contrived, everyone can tell. If you're genuine, your client will likely trust you a whole lot more.

Dare to be different. And finally, make sure you're different enough from the next guy (or girl) so that even when there's an assembly line of potential, you stand out. Due to reasons beyond everyone's control, there were two guys who looked pretty similar at the speed dating event. They were both attractive, had a similar build, and had identically styled their "unique" longish hair. The second guy also had the bad luck of having the same name as the guy next to him, and so despite his best efforts, he only served to confuse the legion of girls he met. Businesses should work not only to be the best in their chosen field, but stand out from the pack. The fact is that anyone can be an "expert," a "consultant," or have long hair. It's how you use your unique position in business that will lead to success.

I can't tell you if my speed dating was successful because I won't get my matches back until tomorrow. Whether or not the matches come pouring in (or whether or not I want them to anyway), speed dating was an exercise in small talk, meeting new people, and engaging people whom I would not, in other situations, have given the time of day. What business and dating ultimately come down to is one's ability to sell-themselves, their company, or their product-and speed dating can be a crash course in acquiring the necessary skills. But, if you're not successful on your next speed dating excursion, just keep in mind that as my mother, like my grandmother before her, always says, "There is a cover for every pot." Even if you just want your "date" to put a lid on it.

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The Mystery of Facebook...Not Actually a Mystery at All

We have a client who refers to us as "Digital Aborigines"--a term he borrowed from the book Digital Aboriginal. He talks about our seemingly instinctual use of new media and technology as if it were something people of a certain age group are born with. Upon some investigation, I found an interesting, defining characteristic of this group: whereas an adult might call a digital camera a "digital camera," Digital Aborigines would simply call it a "camera." (I have a hunch that another defining characteristic of Digital Aborigines is that they've never actually heard the term Digital Aborigines.) Anyway, according to this client, our ease of navigation through online applications such as Facebook also confirms our status.

I tend to think a better explanation is our good, old-fashioned common sense.

I read marketing trades and blogs like a fiend. Yes, I realize this is very uncool. And even more, sometimes I actually walk away from my computer screen (because we Digital Aborigines read everything online) feeling just a little bit dumber for having read the pontifications of so-called experts who think they've got their finger on the pulse of this social enigma. This is especially true after reading yet another analysis of THE definitive way to use Facebook (and other social media platforms) for networking purposes. Because we have several clients who want to know the secret of Facebook, and because we've been told so many times that such a secret actually does exist, I was determined to figure out what it was and end the conversation once and for all.

One client told me that he was on Facebook purely for business networking opportunities. Fair enough, I told him, but you've gotta play it cool. Think of Facebook as a cocktail party. LinkedIn's going to be your business meeting and Twitter, well, I don't know if you're ready for all of that yet.

From here, the next question is always, "Okay, now that I'm on Facebook [or LinkedIn or whatever], how do I turn my connections into new business?" Easy there, tiger.

For a while I've been placating this question with thoughtful answers: "Well, you want to make sure you're giving people a reason to visit your page." Or, "maybe you should put up useful tips for people so that they know there's good content over at your place." And it all kind of made logical sense really until I took a second to think about how I use Facebook. The answer? Casually. I certainly don't go there to be sold. And to me, networking is no more than talking to new people like normal human beings, so why would it be any different here? It wouldn't and it isn't.

I use Facebook a lot. I look at friends' pictures and, sometimes, the links they post to their blogs or articles they suggest. I revel in the different conversations high school friends are having with one another. Who's still in our hometown? Who's left and hit it big? I try to get an idea of what new people I meet are like outside of work (although I'm of the school who thinks you should have one generally consistent personality ). So, when I see a note on a friend's page that says, "Hey John, Glad to see ya on Facebook. Can't wait to network with you!" it kind of creeps me out. I mean, is this really how people interact with eachother in real life? I can't wait to network with you? Come on.

For the same reason you don't tell your blind date that you're really quite desperate to get into a committed relationship because that biological clock of yours is tickin', you don't admit your sales motives to unsuspecting casual acquaintances on social networks. The bottom line is that this type of interaction blocks the flow of authenticity of an otherwise smooth-running operation. Sure, you're being honest, but there's a time and a place for all of that. Even honesty can be kind of icky sometimes. Especially if it reveals you as a kind of social outcast who doesn't have a lot more to contribute to a conversation than work.

I guess this is where our Digital Aboriginal status comes in. Or, rather, our subscribers-to-common-sense status. We've realized that the secret to using Facebook is no more than this: Use Facebook how it's supposed to be used. Post pictures. Chat with friends. Share links to blog posts--whether personal blogs or the ones you write for work (in fact, I'm going to post this one as soon as I hit publish). These things tell your story. They all work together to paint a picture of a multi-faceted human being rather than of a one-trick pony (or dare I say workhorse?).

Trust me, people will be more likely to want to see what you're up to if what you're up to isn't selling them something. They'll discover what you do for a living and, by golly, if they've got a need for the stuff you're schilling, they'll let you know because you've proven you might just be an interesting person to work with.

That darned common sense. It gets ya every time.

Don't agree? Just this week we got a new client using Facebook how it's supposed to be used. Fancy that.

Reduce your online footprint today!

Sure, a marketing and PR company lecturing about not ruining the internet is a bit like an oil company talking about how to avoid ruining the environment, but I think we can help. After all, we're pretty big nerds here at Channel V. We love the Internet just as much as you do-maybe even more-and we try to make sure that our Internet footprint is as small as possible. We've been cutting down on our e-missions, if you will.

Terrifically corny jokes aside, there's some surprisingly simple stuff you can do to improve your e-marketing or netmarketing or tweeting or whatever you kids are up to these days. These things will not only improve the internet, but they'll surely increase the efficacy (big words!) of your next online marketing venture as well. After all, if people actually enjoy your content then they'll be that much more likely to purchase whatever you're trying to market. So without further ado, I present

7 WAYS TO (sort of) AVOID RUINING THE INTERNET

#1: Do not, under any circumstances, build your website in flash. I know, I know, flash is easy for those of you used to print media. It makes layouts much simpler than CSS does for you folks, but you know what the downside is? It's terrible. Sites take forever to load. They're slow. The menus never make sense. Worst of all, it's impossible to link someone directly to a page. You want your stuff to go viral? Better yet, do you want people to simply visit your site? Good luck if it's pure flash-having a loading screen on your website is like showing up to a first date with a cold sore. Why not embed the flash content into a nice XHTML website instead?

(Also, come on now, we have AJAX and Ruby on Rails and whatever other buzzword-laden framework of the week we need. You can do dynamic content without flash, and 75% of the stuff you're using flash for can be done in a better, less offensive manner. I hate flash.)

Major offenders: Every movie website ever

#2: Produce interesting content. Ok, so this is a borderline truism nowadays, but it's still important. Furthermore, it seems like half of the marketers in the world still don't get it. So seriously, how hard is this? Get creative and do something fun. Or at a minimum tell us what your company/product does and why we should get it. Oh, and it wouldn't hurt to produce something that will keep users coming back. And listen, if you really can't figure it out, then just hire us. We'll do it for you, ok?

Also, I should just tell you: not all content is good content. A lot of websites out there have plenty of content, but it's all terrible.

Major offenders: Land Between the Lakes, Disney.com, The Digital Media Arts College

#3: Make your website entertaining. Or make your content fun. Or make something fun. Please. I just want to be entertained here! For some reason everyone seems to want their content to go viral, but very few people actually willing to produce the content that invariably will. If you want something to be popular then it needs to be engaging and entertaining, and you'll probably have to take a risk or two when you make it. I know that sounds scary to you McKinsey-style folks, but I've got news for you: if you're serious about your content becoming a hit then you had better take some risks. The worst case scenario is that you botch it and the internet makes fun of you for five minutes. So what? No one will remember you by next month. Not taking a risk at all, on the other hand, means wasted money and boring content.

Major offenders: Audi Elements, the Skype Laughter Chain, the Lotus Evora microsite

#4: Stop using the horrors that are flash and banner ads. Seriously, they're a major annoyance and you surely don't want people annoyed at your brand. I bet you even want people to like it. So please, cut it with the banner ads. This goes double for those of you still trying to use pop ups (seriously, guys?), and triply for those flash ads that take over my entire screen or make noise when I visit the page.

Major offenders: Kanoa.net, PointRoll

#5: Pay attention to design. Everyone likes a pretty website, so stop cluttering yours up with useless junk. After all, simple is beautiful (and more importantly, easy to use). Go hire someone who knows what they're doing, and you'll get a clean, attractive site like Circa 1979, Astheria, or Volll.

Major offenders: Providence Computers, The Drudge Report, Shadow Marine

#6: Stop abusing social media. Feel free to use it, of course, but the ridiculous and downright brain damaged ways that people use it need to stop. Does your carpentry firm really need its own social network? Or your restaurant? Why not use Yelp instead? And does your retail outlet really need a Twitter account?

While social media might be the flavor of the week (year?) it doesn't do any good to misuse it. Be sure to ask yourself: does social media actually make sense for me? For a lot of businesses it will, but yours may not be one of them. Don't jump on the bandwagon just for the sake of it.

Major offenders: This guy, this restaurant, and this random carpenter who apparently really needed to advertise on ... 

#7: Don't use social networks in idiotic ways. Ok, so this is basically tip 6.5, it's important enough to stand on its own. Don't spam social networks. Don't use them if it doesn't make sense (see: that carpenter from tip #6). And please, please don't try to use networks when you lack a fundamental understanding of them. Spend a little time online playing with them before you finally decide to make an account for your business. It's really not hard - after all, there are droves of thirteen year olds doing it.

While this may seem really obvious, it's overzealous marketers like you that have all but killed Myspace. The spammy, cluttered nature of Myspace has greatly diminished its popularity, and now the same thing is happening to Facebook. So before you decide to make your company a Facebook page and spam everyone on your friend's list, think twice.

Major offenders: Most of Myspace.

I'm wiki'ing so hard right now

As a marketing intern and compulsive reader, I love Wikipedia. Not only is it full of great information, but it's a testament to what thousands of nerds in their mothers' basements can do in their spare time with the right social utility. Thanks to their efforts, I've lost hours reading about weirdly esoteric topics.

While Wikipedia is typically used for research and personal edification (or as something for college professors to whine about), my experience with it has revealed there are far more amusing ways to utilize Wikipedia's volumes of information. Sure, getting lost for hours in an endless maze of linked articles can be fun, but I think the following activities prove far more enjoyable:

• Wikigroaning- Let's be honest here-despite all of its intellectually-stimulating content, Wikipedia is a big nerdy lovefest. As a result, a lot of its content is nerd-centric. Wikigroaning takes advantage of this. How do you do it? It's simple: look up an important and intellectually stimulating article (try "Utopia"), look up an pointless article ("Halo (videogame)"), and groan as the pointless articles is twice as long as the important one. One of my personal favorites: Toads versus Battle Toads
• Wikipedia Trails - You may be surprised by the connections that you can find between Wikipedia articles. For instance, Wikipedia links to Depictions of Muhammad links to The Ottoman Empire links to World War I links to Communism. There you have it folks, Wikipedia = Communism.
• Wikiracing - Fun for the whole family! Everyone picks a Wikipedia page and edits it so it's ever so slightly inaccurate or borderline offensive. The loser is whoever chose the page that gets fixed first. While this might not sound exhilarating, you'd be surprised at the speed with which obscure pages get fixed by obsessive wikipedians.This could also be turned into the most nerdy drinking game in the world, not that I'd know anything about that...
• Winning Bets - Did you lose a bet? Do what one of my friends did, and edit whatever you were betting on's Wikipedia page. Then show it to who you were betting with before the inevitable swarm of wiki-freaks descends on the page to fix the wrongs you've created. Congratulations: you win!

See? Half the fun of Wikipedia is injecting some creativity into it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to try and find a connection between Jello and John McCain.

Everybody's Analyzing Starbucks' Marketing Initiatives...

And I'm just trying to figure out why the baristas don't ask customers if they want room for cream in their coffee. Sure it's nice that they fill up the cup so high that the coffee forms a meniscus (Bartenders: take note), but I always end up pouring out at least an ounce into the garbage can. And usually, someone else follows my lead. I'd feel sorry for the mess the baristas have to deal with...if they weren't the cause of it.

I'd say it's time for corporate to hold a meeting about that. The new Web site's fine and the breakfast sandwiches are yummy; Starbucks' loss is due to over-serving guests.

Authenticity Back in Fashion

 

The other day I was talking to our new intern Will about the fact that authenticity--the act of being yourself and telling your own story--is all the rage these days. Brand marketers have caught wind of this innovative new trend and are desperately trying to pull the authenticity card to promote their products. This stirring new development is causing them to dig deep into their products' collective cores to come up with a topic that they can legitimately discuss. Long gone are the days of simply aligning one's product with imagery that will speak to its target audience and give it an air of "cool" (or "intelligence" or "authority" or "whatever adjective/abstract noun they're hoping to take on"). Now, instead of coming up with catchy slogans and sparkly logos, and fabricating fairy tale quality 30-second spots, marketers are being forced to simply tell consumers what their products are, and in some extreme cases (brace yourselves), actually allow their products to educate the consumers whom they hope to serve.

"So, wait, all they have to do it is be honest? To tell their story? Well that must make their jobs a whole lot easier than coming up with all those weird jingles and stuff."

"Not so fast there, young blood. There are millions of dollars being thrown into the authenticity movement."

Advertisers and brand marketers, as you might have guessed, are trying to bottle the stuff up and sell it. When will they ever learn?

For a long time, brand marketers lived by the adage that, "People are stupid. We have to tell them what they like." And while many still do abide by this logic, they're the ones failing miserably in the age of authenticity.

For people like me and Will (not to mention, Kate, Mafalda and Nicole...and whoever else we hire), the era of authenticity will likely be our heyday. Standing behind a product, or a service we believe in, and then spouting its virtues? It's all so innovative, and real, and, well, totally easy if you you've been practicing it all along...which you should have been, and we have. But this isn't just a pat on the back to us... Okay, yes it is.

*I used to run somewhat of a fringe culture magazine out in California. Our fist issue included a piece called "Character Back in Fashion" by writer Blake Winter. While it's a complete caricature of the ideas mentioned above, it's a great read and shares a similar and humorous message. (That is, if you can enlarge it enough to read it.)